Today started out tough. Read an article on The Age that remote learning is on for term 2 and am a bit emotional. I know it is necessary and I am relieved that it is happening, I'm still so sad. I have been teaching seven years and even my hardest day has been my best day. Going to class and being with my students lifts me up. Being in the staff room with my fellow teachers debriefing and chatting makes me feel connected. Thankfully I will still have some of that with access to technology, but the complete change to our lives for the next few months is scary and uncertain.
While I had been expecting and hoping for this to happen, the announcement shook me up. Due to my childhood the way that I process events is always with a significant delay. So even though I knew this was coming, until it was a reality I hadn't really accepted it.
Last night when we were lying down I had told my daughter that remote learning for term 2 was on the cards and she burst into tears. "I'm going to miss school," she cried. As I comforted her I felt slightly numb. And then when I received the news I was crying and feel just as sad as her. I'm going to miss school. I'm going to miss my students. I'm going to miss my colleagues.
After an online chat with some of my work friends I processed, accepted and re-set. And then I was able to write. Somehow the sheer boredom and need to fill my days is making it easier. I wrote in a few short bursts throughout the day. While the writing is more pedestrian and workmanlike, rather than poetic or imaginative, I'm just happy that I have some routine and something to hold onto.
I also went to the shops for the first in a couple of weeks. It is kind of a strange experience being out in the world. I went in the afternoon so there were quite a few people out and about. There were many people wearing masks. Coles had a snaking waiting line set up because they only allow a limited number of people in at any one time. All shops had a yellow line that established a 1.5 metre barrier from the checkout operators that I had to stand behind. I hadn't driven for a couple of weeks and suddenly felt awkward and unwidely reversing out of the carpark. Hubby has been doing all the shopping and cooking for the past few weeks and it's about time I pull the weight so I bought ingredients to make Mutusha on Thursday.
The most made meal in my household has been chocolate balls. The crazy child is obsessed and we've been making a batch every second day. She has put me on rations and I can only have two a day so she has enough.
So it has been an interesting day. Some highs and some lows.
I watched Intersteller, which is an amazing movie on Netflix with Matthew McCoughney and it referenced Do not go gentle into the night by Bob Dylan.
Obsessed by Didn't I by One Republic and listening to it at least once a day.
Chocolate Ball recipe is below.
Amra Pajalić is an award-winning author, an editor and teacher who draws on her Bosnian cultural heritage to write own voices stories for young people, who like her, are searching to mediate their identity and take pride in their diverse culture. She writes memoir, young adult and romance under the pen name Mae Archer.
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