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It's hard to share on social media when you're going through difficult personal times, and yet it is so important to also be authentic and real. So here goes: the past few years I have been battling anxiety and panic attacks. It started as a slow creeping dread brought on by profound grief and loss after my parents died and then the trauma of Covid. My blood pressure became elevated and when it was discovered it was very high and I was heading for heart attack territory. I'm now on daily medication, however anxiety is a daily companion and I now have panic attacks during times of stress. The past few months I have had some personal stresses and a few panic attacks in quick succession. Am recovering from a profound panic attack yesterday where I nearly collapsed and feel so weak and fatigued today that it feels like my head is heavy. I'm learning to accept my fragile wellbeing and find ways to protect myself and manage. I am so thankful for my family, friends, and beautiful co-workers who are there for me and take care of me and show me their love every day. I had empathy for those who suffered anxiety and panic attacks, but now that I am one of them, I truly know how debilitating it is when your whole body and brain turn on you and tell you your life is in danger. I was one of those people everyone always talked about as being resilient. I joked that I was teflon coated and all my trauma had made hardship bounce off me. I am now learning that your body experiences wear and tear and that profound trauma changes you forever. So for now, I'll keep practicing my affirmations. "I am safe, and this feeling will pass." 
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Subjected to the medical treatment in what was Yugoslavia my mother was suicidal. She had to return to Australia, but I refused to leave. I'd spent the four years after my father’s death in chaos as mum was in and out of hospital and I was moved around foster homes or family friends. 📖 Writing my #memoir #thingsnobodyknowsbutme helped me to unburden and process my trauma. 💪 Now available in ebook, paperback, and audiobook. Check it out: 🔗 https://www.amrapajalic.com/things-nobody-knows-but-me.html Have been home sick with a cold this week and have been binge watching. Flicking between OC on Stan, which I love. 90s drama is the absolute best and no one does a smouldering head tilt like Ryan Atwood. A bit of Cold Case on Paramount. Lily Rush is the uber lady detective with her hair twirls. Some Criminal Minds on Disney Plus. Constantly bizzaro, creepy cases that I watch with my daughter. And The D'Amelio Show on Disney Plus. Mostly for the conversations with my daughter about TikTok culture and the importance of creating something of your own. At that point where I just want to lie on the couch and moan and my brain won't give me any rest as it pings ideas at me for workshops, articles, books. For now just jotting down the bare bones to come back to when the body can cooperate. PS: Created this image with Canva Magic Switch. How cool is it? I love Canva.  The end on my latest novel, a romance novella of 20K that is going to be the first in new series set in an Australian coastal town. This series and novella idea came from a romance anthology that I'm contributing to about holiday beach romances and will feature my favourite tropes of secret identities, family feuds and this one is a Romeo and Juliet inspired romance. This is my 10th indie book and 12th if you count my traditionally published novels. So happy that I'm able to explore my creativity to its fullest as an indie author by seeking new opportunities and collaborations with other authors, and can't wait to share details of the romance anthology this novella will be featured in soon. For now, my drink of choice is orange juice as I toast myself on a job well done.  Every year I embark on poetry writing with my year 7 students at this time of year and we write an I am poem. In order to model this poem we write a poem about me together and students contribute suggestions to the prompts. Every year this reveals the teacher that I am to this cohort and how they see me. The class of 2023 have been very challenging, after all these are the lockdown children, who endured two years of lockdown in Victoria and remote schooling, losing important formative years. And this shows in the behaviour management I have to exhibit. I tell them that the teacher they get is the teacher they bring out in me. So here is a little retrospective of me as a teacher through the eyes of my year 7 classes for the past few years. Here are some poetry writing resources I use in the classroom if teachers want to try. amrapajalic.com/poetry-writing.html |
AuthorAmra Pajalić is an award-winning author, an editor and teacher who draws on her Bosnian cultural heritage to write own voices stories for young people, who like her, are searching to mediate their identity and take pride in their diverse culture. She writes memoir, young adult and romance under the pen name Mae Archer. newsletterSign up and receive free books.
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