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Things Nobody Knows But Me shortlisted for the 2020 National Biography award

9/7/2020

I can now go public. Things Nobody Knows But Me has been shortlisted for the 2020 National Biography Award. There were 89 entries submitted for the Award this year.

As a shortlisted author I will receive $2,000. The winner of the overall prize will receive $25,000 and there is also a $5,000 prize for the best debut biography/memoir.

As we are currently in lockdown I did what any person would do, I dressed up and made a video about the announcement.

#thingsnobodyknowsbutme #booknews

The announcement was preceded by a conversation between Robert Tickner AO, author of the recently released biography Ten Doors Down, and Caroline Baum, author of Only Me. Among other things our guests will discuss the contemporary relevance and significance of biography and memoir, and the trials and tribulations of sharing complex and highly personal stories. This was a great conversation. Thank you Robert and Caroline.

Then the shortlisted authors were announced.

8372 Flowers for Srebrenica

8/7/2020

Were it not for the lockdown, people would gather in Federation Square this Saturday to commemorate the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Srebrenica massacre. @AmraPajalic remembers the events that began on 11 July 1995.

Read my article on Overland here.

#Srebrenica #SrebrenicaGenocide #Srebrenica25

Attached is a document that community activist Senada Bosnic Ekic created to promote this event.

My letter to Premier Dan Andrews

5/7/2020

Dear Premier Andrews

I am writing regarding your recent decision to shutdown nine public housing towers and deploy police to ensure compliance of this hard lockdown.

When we first had Corona hit Australian shores I was impressed with your leadership. You took decisive and thoughtful action to introduce a lockdown and close down schools. You listened to the community about what they needed to reduce anxiety and fear.

As Victorians entered lockdown and moved to remote working, teaching and learning we did this with love in our hearts. With the belief that we were helping each other ensure that the virus would not decimate our population and lead to the horrendous number of deaths which were seen in other countries that had no time to prepare.

We knew that we would not be free of this virus until there was a vaccination, which would be at least 18 months away or perhaps might not ever get developed, but we were buying time to ensure we had capacity to provide medical healthcare to all who got sick. This was a sacrifice we were making for the greater good of as many people as possible, especially those who were most vulnerable to this virus.

When the numbers stabilised we exited out of lockdown with relief and joy. We had achieved our goal. We had reduced the numbers, educated the community, built capacity and succeeded in our mission to reduce fatalities.

And then the numbers started growing again and all of these were traced to security guards who worked in hotels that were quarantining returned visitors. Even though you were aware that the government had not provided adequate personal protective equipment to these workers, or adequate training for dealing with this virus, you went to the media and vilified these people. You blamed them for spreading the virus by using the same lighter, by carpooling, by having family gatherings and called them super-spreaders.

You created an us and them mentality by pointing out that these workers, who were in low paying jobs that exploited them heavily with no agency or adequate support, were the ones to blame. You incited fear in the community and created the narrative that anyone who was sick with the virus was in some way culpable for contracting it.

You then made the decision to lockdown suburbs that apparently had high numbers of transmission. Suburbs that were full of people from low socio-economic backgrounds, with newly arrived migrants, and people from Non-English Speaking Backgrounds, among them my suburb of St Albans. You talked of policing these areas and following protocols. But all I heard was that if you are poor, ethnic, a person of colour, then you are the problem. You are responsible for this illness. You created an environment of blame, of division, of fear, and prejudice.

And then yesterday you further confirmed your racist and classist policies by placing nine public housing towers in hard lockdown and deploying police to ensure that these people are compliant. Again these are people who are from low socio economic background, who are migrants, refugees, non English speaking, and disenfranchised.

Again you knew from the experiences of other countries who had experienced this virus that high density housing was the most vulnerable to the spread of virus. You took no action in providing more education, sanitation, cleaning, community engagement. Currently there are reports of broken lifts, of hand sanitation stations not being refilled. Small actions that we know make a huge difference to stop the spread of the virus. Instead you chose to lock these people up, treat them like criminals even though they are victims of nothing more than poverty.

You know that these people are at risk of being subject to racial profiling, that they have fraught relationships with police, and that in fact the police themselves, just like the security guards you used for quarantine hotels, are not trained or experienced in dealing with this issue. The responsibility of police is to enact law and order and you have effectively positioned this as a criminal matter. That public house residents are guilty of spreading the disease and must be treated as such.

You have introduced a lockdown on people who are the most vulnerable from the economic consequences of such and who bear a heavy mental health toll. While this lockdown has been introduced we are hearing stories of people dying from not receiving life saving treatment because hospitals are turning away those with corona symptoms. Vaccines of babies have been paused when we know that this is a life saving measure for vulnerable babies. We have mental health issues in the community from economic stress and the consequences of being locked up isolated.

I once supported you and your leadership, but now I am honestly terrified of where you are leading Victorians and the way that you are purposely stoking fears about poor people being the problem. You are using the virus to make draconian decisions and using fear and prejudice to create support in the community for these decisions.

You made the statement in your last press conference that we must accept the corona normal-so then stop these divisive policies. Focus on being proactive in dealing with the spread of the virus. On providing care and support to those who are most vulnerable. On introducing health measures rather than criminal measures.

This virus has created a time of great uncertainty and fear. You have the opportunity to be a leader who brings the community together rather than turns us on each other.

I hope you heed my plea, however I have great fear that you won’t.

Yours Sincerely

Amra Pajalic

How Writers Earn Money: My EOFY Report

27/6/2020

Inspired by Annabel Smith who shares how writers earn money for greater transparency and so that we don't feel like failures, I am going to share my writing income this year.

First of all, this is the highest writing income I have earnt since writing and not counting the years that I was successful is securing grants.

Secondly, I have a day job and work full time as a teacher so I do not rely on my writing income to survive.

Thirdly, even though I work full time I'm kind on impressed with myself this year and all the plates I have been spinning so I'm just giving myself a pat on the back.

The breakdown

Freelance writing
Having articles published has been on my bucket list for so long and I finally feel like I found my voice. I have had seven articles published this financial year in The Guardian $290 an article, SBS Voices $300, AEU Magazine 90 cents per word.

I also have to acknowledge some amazing authors who mentored and supported me in breaking out. Angela Savage for helping guide me in my first published piece in SBS Voices and Alice Pung for recommending me as a writer to SBS Voices. As writers we only succeed through the handholds that are provided by those who come before us. And of course editors of these publications who helped guide me and supported my writing, Saman Shahad at SBS Voices and Josephine Tovey at The Guardian.

Mentoring
I provide mentoring to writers on grant writing and have been a sensitivity reader. I have received work through Writers Victoria and through networks so I set the rates based on the work involved.

Public Speaking
This year I had a lot of public speaking engagements booked, however most of those have been cancelled. As a result I had only two events. One before Corona and one online which was always online so it could go ahead.

Royalties
My memoir Things Nobody Knows But Me was published without an advance so I received royalties six months after publication. I also receive royalties for the anthology I co-edited Growing up Muslim in Australia which was also published as Coming of Age: Growing up Muslim in Australia. This book has been published for seven years and has been a good source of income as each year new Growing Up anthologies are released and they are grouped together. It is also used in schools.

Workshops
I have been delivering workshops on memoir writing, creative writing and grant writing over the years through Writers Victoria and other organisation. This year I was booked to deliver Memoir writing workshops through Writers Victoria for six months with a monthly digital clinic where I provided feedback to participants, $35 per participant and $35 administration a session, and three webinars for $300 each.

This was quite a satisfying process as I had the opportunity to work with the same writers for six months and I loved the opportunity to mentor emerging writers and see their growth on a month to month basis.

ELR/PLR
ELR-Educational Lending Rights-books that are in school libraries. Most of this income has been for my debut novel The Good Daughter and Growing up Muslim in Australia.
PLR-Public Lending Rights-books that are public libraries.

Wrapping up
I'm unsure whether next year will lead to the same income as I have had quite a prolific year with my writing. I'm copying and pasting Annabel Smith's sign of and also including links to my articles.

Your Turn
WRITERS: I believe we all benefit from more transparency in this area. If we know what a ‘normal’ income looks like, we are much less likely to feel that we are failing. It also empowers us to ask to be paid fair rates. So if you feel like sharing your EOFY stats you’d be doing a community service. I hope to hear from you in the comments.

Links to my articles (most 2019/2020 however am including two from last financial year which are not included in this income breakdown)

I hated remote teaching during the Covid-19 lockdown. It should never replace the classroom , The Guardian, 08.06.20

I'm a Teacher and Remote Teaching Makes Me Feel Like a Failure, SBS Voices, 01.05.20

Starting over-finding the true measure of success to avoid burnout, AEU Magazine, 01.04.20

How my mother's Bi Polar disorder affected me, SBS Voices, 13.03.20

Saying Goodbye to My mother After her unexpected death, SBS Voices, 03.02.20

Searching for a message from my mother after she died. SBS Voices, 12.12.19

My high school counsellor transformed my life forever, SBS, 27.11.19

Growing up Under the Shadow of my mother's bi polar, SBS Voices, 14.06.19

Allies in Creative Writing, Southerly, 24.05.19

The life-changing impact of seeing yourself in fiction: Representation for Muslims, Bronzeville Bee, 23.05.19

The purpose of art

26/6/2020

The purpose of art is to feel, to process emotions, to learn new things about yourself and others, to learn empathy and compassion, and to feel more alive and more deeply. And when a piece of art comes into your life at just the right time it is magic.
Just finished watching season 1 of Zoey's Playlist and I feel cleansed. It's a musical show about a girl whose father is diagnosed with a fatal degenerative health condition so she goes to do a MRI to test herself and ends up with a magical power of hearing people's emotion through songs.
It is such a beautiful and magical show and so uplifting, and yet I cried during every single episode. Sometimes up to two or three times. These were not regular cries, but body shaking, can barely breathe crying. And as I watched the last episode I realised why I connected with this show so much.
I never got the chance to say goodbye to any of my parents. My biological father died when I was four years old. He went overseas to say goodbye after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and got so sick, he died and was buried there. My stepfather committed suicide at the end of 2018. My mother passed away suddenly from hypertension at the end of the last year.
I never got the chance to say a proper goodbye to any of my parents. To prepare, to grieve, to process. They died so suddenly, leaving me with such profound shock and trauma.
After my biological father died my mother said that I became different, I was so angry. After my stepfather died I jumped into caring for my mother, and had no time to pause. And then when my mother passed the weight of all these losses weighed me down.
I feel like I'm only just breaking through and processing. Slightly coming back to myself. But I can see that this will be a long journey.
Anyway, this is a long post but there are three things I want you to know:
1. Art matters. Books, TV shows, music, movies, art, dance and anything I didn't cover-it matters. Support art wherever you can.
2. Hold those you love close. I have learnt deeper empathy and love through my losses. I appreciate the loved ones in my life more.
3. Watch Zoey's Playlist. Your life will be uplifted from the experience. It's on Stan and it's been renewed for a second season.

My first byline in The Guardian and my other articles

8/6/2020

Writing articles has been my bucket list for so long. In the past six months I have managed to write an article a month. After remote teaching the staffroom was abuzz with conversations about whether we'll be pushed to remote teach more and I kept reflecting on who are the winners and who are the losers in this teaching model. Here is my first byline in The Guardian about my experience. And the rest of my articles in the post below.

I hated remote teaching during the Covid-19 lockdown. It should never replace the classroom , The Guardian, 08.06.20

I'm a Teacher and Remote Teaching Makes Me Feel Like a Failure, SBS Voices, 01.05.20

Starting over-finding the true measure of success to avoid burnout, AEU Magazine, 01.04.20

How my mother's Bi Polar disorder affected me, SBS Voices, 13.03.20

Saying Goodbye to My mother After her unexpected death, SBS Voices, 03.02.20

Searching for a message from my mother after she died. SBS Voices, 12.12.19

My high school counsellor transformed my life forever, SBS, 27.11.19

Growing up Under the Shadow of my mother's bi polar, SBS Voices, 14.06.19

Allies in Creative Writing, Southerly, 24.05.19

The life-changing impact of seeing yourself in fiction: Representation for Muslims, Bronzeville Bee, 23.05.19

Update on 2020 Reading Challenge

6/6/2020

Have read 19 out of 40 books so far for my 2020 Reading Challenge. I am two books behind my schedule. I need to stop reading such big books. Just finished Torched by my friend Kimberley Starr and this is a beautifully written novel about a community impacted by fire, and a mother and son bond. #amreading

I'm a teacher and remote learning makes me feel like a failure

30/4/2020

Today my day is ending on a high with an article I wrote about remote teaching being published. #amteaching #TeachersRock #teacher

Writing family, writing illness

28/4/2020

Had a online chat with @zoyajpatel for @express_media toolkit and it was so wonderful to engage in my author life and talk about my memoir #thingsnobodyknowsbutme and the writing process. I also loved the opportunity to put some make up on and take a nice photo of my blue lockdown hair. So yes, I'm superficial and doing a humble brag. You can judge me, but I have blue hair and I just don't care. #lockdown #writingcommunity

View my interview here.

Lockdown diary day 8: first day of remote teaching

15/4/2020

Today was a baptism by fire-first day of teaching remotely and I have a six on day. It was slightly tortuous with all sorts of connectivity issues: Compass was down, there was lag, my carefully created website had various permission issues with documents not visible until I gave kids permission, I created online videos filming my screen with my phone and posted on YouTube as private and then had to change settings. The first lesson I spent one hour online with kids sorting through everything. But we got there in the end.

Had very high attendance with online video conferencing, which speaks highly of our school structure and our parents emphasis on education. After each lesson I emailed all students who did not attend about the work they needed to complete. Tomorrow I have spares and will be going through and checking their work. Considering it was the first day and it was a bit chaotic, I'm really happy with how it went. Hopefully it will get smoother as we go.

My daughter also had her first day of remote learning and she was a star. She completed all the tasks on her schedule. She was video conferencing with friends while doing Maths, but then found it too distracting because they were talking about non-related things. She a slight wobbly because she struggled a little with the Maths topic, but hubby calmed her down and got her on track.

It was a big day and we were pooped. I'd had insomnia last night and had to nap to recover, and then needed a pick me up in the form of one of my all time favourite rom-com movies.

No writing today. I'm in teaching brain and after spending all day in front of the screen my brain is fried. My writing routine was to get up at 6 am and write before work, so that's what I'm going to have to come back to next week.

What I'm watching:
Crazy Stupid Love on Netflix. I love this movie so much and have probably watched it about eight times. It makes me so happy and is such a beautiful and real depiction of true love. Rom coms are usually sappy and ridiculous, but this one is so beautiful and real. And Ryan Gosling is yumalicious.

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