I have been wanting to write a blog post about my forays back into being a student, however have felt quite self conscious about the whole process. I am doing a PhD in Creative Writing at La Trobe university on a part time basis while I work full time as a teacher. I’m fortunate in that my task is to write an 80,000 word novel and a companion exegeses of 20,000 words. I have seven years to complete my PhD which feels manageable and I'm hopeful it won't take that long.
 
Doing a PhD has been one of my bucket list items and I always thought I’d do it at some point, but never planned to be doing it now and I’m still slightly shell-shocked that I’m actually doing it now.
 
What I have learnt along the way:
 
The proposal you submit does not mean you can’t change your mind.
Last year I began a historical crime novel that was slightly based on my mother’s experiences of being a migrant and suffering a mental illness. As I wrote the book it kept expanding in scope and until it incorporated the Vietnam War. Then a conversation with Vikki Petraitis derailed me. She asked why did the story have to be set as a historical fiction because there was more scope to explore women’s lives in contemporary fiction.
 
Vikki had begun her PhD, as had our other friend Kimberley Starr. They had been mentioning that I should also do it but I was feeling inferior. This wasn’t something I could do. And anyway I was already working on a book that I was committed to and a PhD had to be on something new. After Vikki’s conversation I realised that in making my novel a contemporary story I was effectively beginning again. I decided to change point of view, change the main character from a house wife to a journalist, and thought that since I was beginning again I might as well submit an application for my PhD.
 
So I did, and I got in. My supervisor requested a chapter-by-chapter plan of my novel and I started writing my first chapters. But something wasn’t clicking with my main character. I needed her to be a fearless outsider and decided to give her backstory as a survivor of the Balkan War genocide in the town of Srebrenica. In order to create her voice I started researching Srebrenica and writing chapters from my character’s point of view as a young adult.
 
As I submitted my chapters to my writing group Pink Ladies they told me this felt like it was a whole new book. I forged ahead, but the muse was in fine form and started creating a further story arc from the point of view of a young adult. I submitted my new chapters to my supervisors and at our next meeting shared my new idea for my novel. They were supportive and told me to go where the passion was, and so now I’m writing a young adult novel about a refugee girl who is a survivor of the genocide. I feel like it’s taken me three tries to figure out my next novel but I am now fully committed and so excited about this book.
 
So if you’re thinking about doing a PhD just put in a proposal and start writing. If the project changes it will be okay. You don’t need to know everything before you start, you just need to start.
 
A PhD will provide you with a support mechanism to write
One of the hardest things about being a writer is that in most instances no one is actually waiting for your book unless you have a book deal, which most of us don’t. This means that writing in a regular basis requires lots of discipline and self motivation, which can be really hard to find when you’re working full time, you have a family that you need to spend some time with, and friends and family that you want to maintain a relationship with.
 
I’m working full time as a teacher which means that I have to be disciplined about writing and find time to meet my supervisors. I meet my supervisors every school holidays and so my goal is to write 2-3 chapters every 2-3 months. I also have a writing group that I’m a member of and we meet once a month. So every month I need to write at least one chapter and submit to my writing group, and then every 3 months I need to submit a few chapters to my supervisors. This means that I have deadlines I have to meet and so I have to prioritise my writing. My current schedule is waking up at 6 am to write for at least an hour every day before I go to work in order to make sure that all these wheels keep turning.
 
While sometimes it feels that the writing is moving at a glacially slow pace, it is moving. I’ve clocked up 15,000 words and while they all need lots of work, I am slowly crafting the building blocks of my book.
 
Exegeses, shme-exegeses
I’m not really sure what an exegeses is and the more I sink into the rabbit hole, the more I find out what it could be. I basically have to write a 20,000 word essay which is a companion to my novel. So this could be a literature review of novels that are in some way connected to my novel. One idea is a literature review of crime novels featuring Bosnian characters, another is a review of novels set during the war, and talking about how this informed by book. I could also do a self reflection on my writing process. I’m unsure what my final exegesis is but as I my novel develops I feel like it’s going to become much clearer.
 
My supervisors told me to focus on writing the book as the exegesis is supposed to be a companion to my novel, and until I write my novel I can’t write this. I’m also not stressing about this part of the process. I’m focussing on the novel and ensuring that I collate my research so that I have all the breadcrumbs that I need at the end of this process.
 
Research is a necessity and so is developing tools to collate the research
I am writing a historical book and half of it is set during a war so research is a necessity. Research is a complicated business. While it’s easy to research what I need for the war, I’m not sure what I’ll need to write my exegeses, because I don’t what it will be. So I have to be really diligent in compiling my research so I can come back to it later.
 
I use Scrivener to write my novel, which I love because it is easy to write chapters and have synopsis, but I’m also finding it useful for compiling research. I can import websites and have them in my document for later.

​I have also created a separate research folder and documents for each book I read listing quotes and page numbers so that I can refer to it as needed. As I’m writing I need to list my footnotes so that I know what piece of historical research I received from where so I’m inserting footnotes into my Scrivener documents.

Typing up research has been really time consuming so I bought a digital highlighter and I’m finding that much easier to scan information from books and have it converted into a digital file.
 
I bought a Scanmarker Air which is $119 US and by the time the conversation rate and postage was taken into account is actually closer to $160 AUS. It works really well and there are a few corrections I have to make after it has scanned documents. I'm attaching a short video showing how it works.

I’m still figuring out the research side of it, but I’m feeling more confident in my compilation of research because I’m able to find what I need as I need it.

​PhD and the network of smarter friends
This is my first year of completing a PhD and I feel very lucky in the network that I have in my friends Vikki and Kim, or as we call ourselves The Antigones. While we knew each other beforehand working together on our PhD has really solidified our friendship.
 
I’m also finding the opportunities to develop a wider network incredibly invaluable. They have changed the rules with PhDs and we need to complete a presentation on our research and work as part of our candidature. In order to support us the English Faculty has been holding monthly Postgraduate Seminars for candidates to present and attending these has given me the opportunity to develop more networks and learn from others. There are also opportunities to attend professional development through the library and research centre and catch ups organised by faculty members. These opportunities to mingle and learn have really helped build my confidence and also made studying enjoyable. A have a whole new network of people to share ideas with and it’s so nice to broaden my horizons.

Reflections
I was speaking to a colleague who is also completing a PhD and she advised me to start a reflection diary to record my reflections on my project as I am undertaking research. I have started doing this and am recording how the books and research I’m doing is influencing my book and conversations I’m having with people that are influencing me. This might then help me with my exegeses in terms of being able to map my artistic practice.
 
Supervisors
I am very lucky that I’m being supervised by Paddy O’Reilly and Claire Knowles. Paddy is a writer that I have admired since she was published and Claire is an academic who is really helping me think through that side of it. I didn’t request any supervisors, they were allocated to me and I’m finding them incredibly supportive and helpful.
 
That’s all for now folks
So that’s it. That’s what I’ve learnt so far from this PhD business. I’m only ten months in so these are the early days and there’s a lot more to figure out.
 
Two bobs about the application process
If you are interested in applying for a PhD some things about the application process:

• You will need academic references-so people you know who have completed a PhD or are working in academia.
• My proposal was focussed on the creative work with lots of ideas and possibilities about what I could research to support it. So based on that experience I would say you don’t have to have a rock solid idea about the exegeses as there is an understanding that this will shift and change based on the writing process.
• I did not apply for a scholarship and I think those applications are more competitive so treat them as such.

If you subscribe to my mailing list you will receive a free Ebook-an extract of my upcoming memoir Things Nobody Knows But Me to be published by Transit Lounge.

Sometimes I feel like I have only one story I want to tell and that I've spent my whole life finding a way to tell it.

I have been a professional writer since the age of 20 when I enrolled in the Diploma of Professional Writing and Editing at the Council of Adult Education and had my first paid publication opportunity in Voiceworks Journal. I started writing a memoir then, a story about my childhood and my mother's life. About being the daughter of a Bi Polar sufferer and about the hardship that my mother endured being from a Non-English Speaking Background while suffering from a mental illness. I eventually abandoned it, scared off by the raw emotion.

​I still wasn't able to be vulnerable in the way that writing a memoir demands, and so The Good Daughter, my first young adult novel was born. My protagonist Sabiha is a Bosnian girl, who grew up in the Western suburbs, and had a mother who is a Bi Polar sufferer. I gave Sabiha my memories, feeling safe in disguising fact with fiction. I launched The Good Daughter into the world with a sigh of relief. I had exorcised my demons and was ready to move on

Then I became a mother in my 30s and all my childhood memories resurfaced. The first few months of being a mother I kept getting flashbacks to my childhood. Ten months after having my daughter I was diagnosed with post natal depression. As always writing was my saviour. I had no choice but to write a memoir, but how? It was a journey that took seven years and sometimes turned me inside out.

Getting published is always a dream, but getting my memoir Things Nobody Knows But Me published feels even more special. This memoir honours my mother and the hardship she has endured. I am so happy that Transit Lounge will publish my memoir in 2019 and I look forward to sharing my publication journey with you.

Things Nobody Knows But Me is the story of a bond between mother and daughter, and of the toll that mental illness takes on an individual, a family and a community. It is also an insight into Bosnian culture, and more broadly the experience of mental illness for people who come from non-English speaking backgrounds.

I was sixteen when my wagging caught up to me and I ended up in my high school counsellor’s office, and I finally learnt the medical label for the malady that had dogged my mother and affected my childhood. I had spent my whole life calling my mother’s illness a Nervous Breakdown, now I found out that my mother suffered from a mental illness called Bipolar Disorder.

In adolescence I became my mother’s confidante and learnt the extraordinary story of her life: when she was fifteen years old she visited family friends only to find herself in an arranged marriage. At sixteen she was a migrant, a mother, and a mental patient.

Things Nobody Knows But Me is about a mother-daughter-bond fractured by years of manic and depressive episodes, marked by powerful changes in mood and energy, that was eventually brought under control through an accurate medical diagnosis.

​I was funded by Creative Victoria to be mentored by Alice Pung in developing this book. Excerpts have been published in anthologies: ‘School of Hard Knocks’ in the upcoming anthology Meet me at the Intersection (Fremantle Press, 2018), ‘Nervous Breakdown’ was published in Rebellious Daughters anthology, (Ventura Press, 2016), and ‘Woman on Fire’ in Etchings journal (Illura Press, 2013).

It was a very long journey to get my memoir published and there was one person I really wanted to tell the news to. My mum. I was so wrapped I had to film it so I have the memory forever.

Subscribe to my newsletter below and receive an extract of my memoir titled ‘Woman on Fire’ that was previously published in Etchings journal (Illura Press, 2013) as a free ebook. 

Sometimes as a high school teacher I feel that I'm just rushing through curriculum and then every once in a while I have the chance to do something truly cool.

As a Humanities teacher I deliver the Respectful Relationships curriculum which covers different topics to help prepare students for today's world. One series of lessons was about identifying stressful situations and developing coping mechanisms.

Included within this we did a trial meditation session. I ran the lesson with year 9s and it didn't go over very well, and when I repeated it with my year 7s it went much better. The next week we had some time left before lunch and some of my year 7 students asked for meditation and half the class were really concentrating and practicing it. Afterwards I asked if they wanted us to do this regularly and I had a huge positive response, even from the ones who didn't seem to be practicing the meditation aspect, but it still seemed they loved the opportunity to have some quiet time to just be.

So I've introduced this as an embedded part of my lesson every Friday for the past few months. Every week I've been noticing that more students are getting engaged and involved. Today we did the session and the 5 minutes felt like 30 seconds. I've had one student mention it to a coordinator that he's using it as a strategy for anger management.

I had always thought that there was value in meditation, but now that I'm doing it with my whole class I'm feeling the benefits myself. I walk out of class feeling so much lighter and calmer, and I see it with my students. They are getting a little more centred and focussed, and better at being in the moment. 

​I've been using Smiling Mind which has educational programs and am just in the experimental phases, and yet I'm seeing so much positivity. I'm so excited because next year I'm going to introduce it from the get-go with my classes and really have the chance to track its positive effects, and I really want to explore some PD or research to support me. There's so much potential to support students with assessments. Everything they do these days is under exam conditions or involves some sort of testing and I can see that this could be a great tool for their educational journey and beyond. Will keep you posted on my progress, and would love to hear about anyone who uses meditation either in the classroom or in life. 

I feel like I'm writing all the time, but not actually moving forward. I have completed yet another revision of my memoir. It was 80,000 words and I cut it down to 60,000 words. I had to write a one page synopsis and found this resource that helped me write it.

Through this process I realised what the shape of my memoir was and what needed to go and what needed to stay it. I then re-worked the prologue to give it a better frame and I feel much about this current draft. It also made me realise that the process of writing a synopsis can really help you see what the story is so I'm going to do that for my novels from now on.

At the moment I'm revising my young adult novel. I wrote it in third person and now I'm re-writing it to first person to give it more of a voice. When I've finished that process, I'm up to chapter 5, I want to do a one page synopsis and see how it holds up structurally, then I can submit it.

My actual work in progress this year is a historical murder mystery set in 1969. I'm really excited about this project and was progressing quite well with it, but until I finish revising my young adult novel and get it out into the world, I have to leave it on pause.

So I have lots of things on the boil, but I don't really feel a sense of satisfaction. I feel like I'm in this constant process of suspended animation. The publishing industry is so slow and so brutal. I have been watching with awe as some writers I hugely admire have forged into self publishing.

Ellie Marney, one of my favourite young adult authors of the Every series, has self published her novel No Limits. It was quite interesting to hear that her current publisher didn't want to back this novel because they thought it was too different from the Every series. Because it was a part of the series she didn't think another publisher would be interested, so she self published, and reached #1 Amazon bestseller, I think, within the first few days of it being out.

I'm currently working on a young adult novel that I'm really excited about. This book came about while I was working on my memoir and there was a personal anecdote that I wanted to devote more time to, but it didn't belong in the memoir. So the idea was born. I ended up writing about 20,000 words while the ideas were flying, then I left it and got on with finishing my memoir.

Earlier this year I completed my memoir and while it was doing the rounds of edits and revisions, I went back to the young adult novel but wasn't in the right headspace for writing. I had some personal things going on (sold a house, bought a house, and moved) and finally when I was settled in August I could get back to the business of writing.

At first my goal was a chapter a week, which was achievable because I had so many notes to draw on. Now that I've hit the (hopefully) over halfway mark with chapter 11 I'm probably batting a chapter every two weeks, but I'm still happy with this.

I'm at the point now where the characters are coming to life, developing nuances and depth, and feeling like real people. Fitting writing in while working full time as a teacher sometimes feels like quite a feat. I had a few weeks when I had no internet and was incredibly productive, but now I'm back to having to battle fatigue, distractions like great TV shows on Netflix and Stan, and ensure that my weekends have some writing time carved out. I realised that to do this I needed help, so I've started a writing group.

I've been a part of different writing groups over the years. When I was younger I was in a toxic writing group that actually began to cripple my creativity so for many years I was wary. A few years ago I joined an amazing group thanks to Demet Divaroren called Clan Destine. This was an incredibly supportive group of people and I have developed some wonderful connections and connected with critique partners. We have in some ways become victims of our success because the group has become quite big and we are now facing challenges of geography too as we are from all over Melbourne. I have also facilitated writing groups and seen the issues of people who aren't serious about the craft, but rather see their fellow group members as an audience

This year I realised that I really wanted to be in a writing group and benefit from deadlines that would motivate me keep on track. Learning from past lessons with writing groups I wanted it to be small, supportive, people who I knew well, and that we were geographically close. 

We met a few weeks ago, critiqued each other's pieces and I got so much from the discussions. We set a meeting schedule as well as a fortnightly critiquing schedule, and this has given me exactly what I need at this point-motivation. Writing is so much easier knowing that I have to be accountable and that I'll be meeting with my fellow writing group members to have conversations about productivity. Now the only thing we have to do is come up with a name.

My goal at this point is to finish my young adult novel by the end of the year. While I'm hitting a few snags (the next few weeks are busy preparing for report writing) I'm hoping that this will be definitely achievable. I'm loving working on this book and feeling great about it. but as always I have the next book knocking on the doorway, distracting my muse, so at this point finishing this book is not so much about being able to submit, but just being free to start the next project.

If anyone is interested in joining a writing group Writers Victoria has a page with groups that are in Melbourne. They also have a fact sheet to help anyone wanting to start their own writing group.

It has been a full on year and I've spent most of it with my teacher hat on, but I have a few things coming up that take me into the writing world again. I'm a contributor in the Rebellious Daughters anthology, will be delivering a workshop at Writers Victoria and be a panelist at Melbourne Writers Festival.

Good daughters hold their tongues, obey their elders and let their families determine their destiny. Rebellious daughters are just the opposite.

In Rebellious Daughters, some of Australia’s most talented female writers share intimate and touching stories of rebellion and independence as they defy the expectations of parents and society to find their place in the world.

Powerful, funny and poignant, these stories explore everything from getting caught in seedy nightclubs to lifelong family conflicts and marrying too young. Beautifully written, profoundly honest and always relatable, every story is a unique retelling that celebrates the rebellious daughter within us all.

Not every woman is a mother, grandmother, aunty or sister – but all women are daughters.

Rebellious Daughters contributors: Jane Caro, Jamila Rizvi, Susan Wyndham, Rebecca Starford, Marion Halligan, Amra Pajalic, Jo Case, Leah Kaminsky, Michelle Law, Caroline Baum, Rochelle Siemienowicz, Nicola Redhouse, Krissy Kneen, Silvia Kwon and Eliza-Jane Henry-Jones.

Published by Simon & Schuster in August 2016

Thursday 1 September, 11.15 am, Stories for Life panelist guest at Melbourne Writers Festival Schools ProgramCelebrating cultural diversity and recommended for EAL students, Stories for Life offers personal stories from Singapore-based novelist Shamini Flint, Coming of Age: Growing Up Muslim in Australia’s Amra Pajalic and storyteller Valanga Khoza. Not just for the classroom, these are stories for life.

This is a free event, but bookings are essential. Schools can also claim a transport subsidy of up to $6 per student. Please call 03 9999 1199 or email ticketing(at)mwf.com.au to book.

Primary Victorian Curriculum VCELY357, VCELT365, VCELY366
Supported by RE Ross Trust
The Diary of a… series by Shamini Flint and the Coming of Age: Growing Up Muslim in Australia collection edited by Amra Pajalic are on the 2016 Premiers’ Reading Challenge book list.

Saturday 24 September 2016 - 10:00 to 4:00 PM How to Write a Successful Funding Application at Writers Victoria

Rating: Early, Emerging
Writing grant applications is a process fraught with confusion. Usually the advice writers receive is to be “audacious”, but there are other factors to consider. Get real-life examples on how to address criteria, and hear the dos-and-don’ts from an experienced grants assessor.Back by popular demand after Amra's sold out Summer School course!

"I'm very happy to report that I received a grant from Creative Victoria for the completion of my second novel. A big thanks to Writers Vic and Amra Pajalic, as I attended the very appropriately named How To Write A successful Funding Application in January."

You will learn

• to justify the marketability of your project
• how to make your budget viable
• how to summarise your project
• to understand the perspective of a panel assessor
• to look for different funding opportunities.

This workshop develops employment-related skills.

This is the book I wish I’d had when my daughter was small and I was struggling with establishing a bedtime routine. The Kitten Who Wants To Fall Asleep, written by Cecilia Egan and illustrated by Elizabeth Alger, is based on creating visual cues and strategies for children to learn how to fall asleep.
 
This is an interactive book that allows the parent to read a story, while also interjecting their child’s name into the text and making them a part of the narrative. It has cues for parents to be able to change their voice in order to emphasise certain words.
 
While Misti, the kitten in the narrative is attempting to fall asleep she uses various sleep strategies such as breathing and clenching her muscles, this is also teaching the child themselves how to put themselves to sleep.
 
The other thing that I really like about this book is the reminder in the beginning about how to promote a healthy bedtime routine. While all of the suggestions are common sense as a parent I would have appreciated the reminder because in the stress and pressure of caring for a small child, and the sleep deprivation that goes along with it, I found myself forgetting common sense.
 
As I was reading this book I actually found myself following the visual suggestions and the rhythm of the narrative was soothing and calming me. This is a real treasure for any parents who are needing a little helper with their child’s bedtime and is a great introduction to establishing a routine of reading at night before sleep.
 
There are also other books in the series that help with other problems such as getting out of diapers and learning to control their temper.