Essay 3- I Wasn’t a Bad Listener—I Was Just Afraid of Silence

I always thought I was a good listener.
Turns out I was just terrified of silence.
This essay started in a classroom, with a student who needed more time—and me, clenching my jaw, counting backwards, fighting the urge to rescue her by filling the quiet.
What I realised was uncomfortable:
I wasn’t rescuing her.
I was rescuing myself.

We live in a culture that rewards speed, noise, confidence, and interruption. Silence looks like weakness. Waiting looks like incompetence. Listening looks passive.
But silence changed everything—for my students, my friendships, my emotional regulation, and the way I show up in conversation.

This piece is about:
– why extroverts get rewarded (and where that backfires)
– how talking can be emotional armour, not connection
– why asking questions makes you more likeable than being interesting
– and how learning to wait ten seconds reshaped my relationships, teaching, and podcasting

If you’ve ever:
– filled silence too quickly
– over-shared to feel safe
– confused talking with intimacy
– or felt uneasy when things slowed down

This one’s for you.
📖 I Wasn’t a Bad Listener—I Was Just Afraid of Silence
Read it on my Substack.
https://amrasarmchairanecdotes.substack.com/p/5d3f3b98-3573-4a72-8419-7ebb06bafa5b