I turned around and walked off to buy the hamburger, rationalising in my head leaving her. She was in a foodcourt. There were lots of people around. All she had to do was wait in line and buy. Everything would be fine. Fifteen minutes later I returned to find that it had all gone to plan and she was waiting for our drinks. As we pierced the straws through the plastic top and walked off I asked her how did she feel. “I don’t feel any different to how I did fifteen minutes ago,” she said with a deadpan face. But I knew she lied. Something had changed. This was another moment when she was taking a step away from into the big world. She was transitioning from childhood to adolescence. I feel so happy and sad about this moment. It’s such a relief that she has independence and yet it is another marker of how our lives are changing.
I keep thinking about the launch on the 25 May and yet I struggle to focus on it. I know there are things I should do to prepare, and yet I also struggle to focus my mind on them. It seems so strange that I spent so many years creating this book and now that it’s being let out into the world I’m conflicted about it. It reminds me of sending my daughter to school: will she be liked, will people be kind to her, those are the same thoughts and feelings I have about my memoir.